0701-Crazed Sex Poodle and The Birkenstock Tribe, or How They Finally Got Al Gore

A remarkable story by a Portland, Oregon message therapist is making world headlines and threatens to finally undo former vice-president Al Gore, and fulfill a tremendous dream of American conservatives who made him the punching bag of liberal politics in this country. The therapist, Kalee Kreider originally brought charges against Gore in 2006, but the case was closed for lack of evidence. It reopened again in January 2009 but once again was closed because there was not enough evidence to support the allegation of sexual groping and other charges. It is unclear what new evidence Portland police have to once again open the case. Ms. Kreider says Gore pinned her down onto a bed, tried to force her to drink cognac and groped her private parts. She said she thought to tell him he was behaving like a "crazed sex poodle" in hopes it would stun him out of the alleged behavior. Later she said she backed away from making the incident public due to pressure from a small group of her Portland friends - of which she was a member and who she called "The Birkenstock Tribe"- after the comfortable sandals and shoes associated with Liberals in America and Europe. At press time today it was unclear whether the former vice-president turned international environmentalist was in danger of being arrested, but one thing was certainly evident:the phrases "crazed sex poodle" and "Birkenstock Tribe" would likely be Googled to death in coming days.